So he txt'd me

So the other day he text'd me
yeah my ex boyfriend from about a year ago
and he explained to me why he broke up with me
yeah my feeling were hurt! and still are
but come on for you're ex girlfriend...
apart of me wishes you never even bothered to hit me up. maybe id be ok... better not knowing
was it really worth it?

why did you waste your breath telling me you loved me?
LOVE?
oh how love is soooo overrated... nd thats why that would be tatted on a finger of mine because its NOT REAL

it can't be... if it was... why would it hurt so much!
why does like even hurt so much, sheesh....

yeah so he txt'd me...
trying to make this work

sorry but if you broke up with someone you "loved" for a past relationship because of SEX then we won't work now... cause I'm celibate! bam


Natural Beauty

im tired of the bull shit

Im getting so frustrated. LIKE SERIOUSLY! i just want what I can't have and i feel like this is only getting worst. i feel annoying as hell to everyone yet no one has told me i am ! I just wanna crawl in a ball and be by myself because thats how its gonna be or seems that way.  Why doesn't happiness come to those who deserve it most! i deserve it I want it but i don't wanna seem desperate to get it from the one person i want.  THis is so freaking aggravating... apart of me just wants to cry but i know that won't fix anything... and while i get my invites to stay with him, i still feel like I'm not the one who he really wants to be there. I'm digging my own hole.. i feel it. can someone just kick me in and make this all go away! sheesh! i really did lose my best friend. borders were crossed that shouldn't have now i talk to him about stuff we use to talk about it and he clearly feels awkward... i want some sort of answer in my dream tonight! something telling me to fall back. whether i stay away from twitter or what ever just wanna feel missed or needed cause i don't... not even the least bit from ppl who should or i think should at least! ughh a shot is in order right now.. too bad i have class tomorrow! =/ maybe tuesday!!! night!

Natural Beauty

Damn

Damn yo
his absence left me alone with my thoughts
and my thoughts kinda went like this

He's messing with someone else
no better yet he went back to the "lil girl"
i mean thats cool cause then we will be just friends again
and then maybe i can take up that date.

But I really liked him
but good thing i didn't fall completely head over heels
cause then this would be bad news bears part two

Good job indigo.
Damn he aint even thinking bout me
wth did i do?
you didn't do anything Indigo

wait *phone rings*
oh sh*t its him nd its not a txt its a call

Conversation:
me: hello
him: (sexy voice) Hey lil lady what you up too
me: nothing watching the game
him: ok well I'm on the turnpike be home shortly. we have a long night nd i still gotta catch up on the game but you'll probably be asleep by then
me: alright let me know when you get home
(a little small talk)
him: ill txt you when i get home
me: ok

so back to my thoughts
maybe he does still care or he's putting up a good front
GEEZS i just want all of someone ... its about that time!

When will I ever find mr. right because mr right nows keep popping up in my pictures
& honestly I'm kinda over it!

Until next time =/
Natural Beauty

20 Y. O

They always say your youth is the times of your life.  Well my 19-20 years have been very stressful.  Financially, education wise, figuring out myself... man its a lot. still don't know what I'm gonna do when i graduate and HELLO INDIGO.  I graduate this year!

I hope 21 brings me more! and i want 21 to be the TIME of my life and take the past and make it all more and more of a living experience!

Natural Beauty

WOW!

Today, was really something else.  I saw him, and oh how that trip down memory lane just didn't seem so distant.

It was not distant only because, I go down it ever so often.  But seeing him did make me miss the old him and when there was an us but it didn't make me miss how hard i got played.
I honestly am my biggest critic, but as i told one of my good friends, after losing him i just simply feel like I'm simply not good enough for "my type" of guy or any potential. In the mist of telling one of my guy friends this, whom i secretly have a crush on, he fell asleep on me...  but any who

I'm glad i was able to speak to him to show that i am a bigger person but that fact that i still couldn't speak in a complete sentence because i was embarrassed just made it seem like i want him still which i don't i just wanna know why things didn't work out

after speaking to my friend in Florida who still manages to keep me level headed he made me feel better by keeping it real with me! his friend ship is and always will be greatly appreciated.... but until i get this other opinion i need i'm over and out!

Peace, love and beauty!

Natural Beauty

Gossip

I'm stuck here thinking when i should be doing homework or sleeping. but last night when i was expected to tell some news that i was so very unclear on. Why do people still gossip? Not gonna lie I do it all the time but i want to know why it happens? Id rather not talk about anyone. and now that it is bought to my attention i am def. gonna try and stop and yet in fact when i feel the need to gossip im going to do research in my future field of interest! hmpp

Ive been enjoying these recent reality checks i've been getting. <3

Until next time

Natural Beauty

-__-

(As i wrote this tears formed but I couldn't let my  weakness show so i spilled it on to a piece of paper)

Although i know he is the biggest ass hole i know, apart of me still wants him.  I am trying my hardest not let my memory of him effect my relationship with other way better guys but the taint idea of as well as any one I met VIA him makes me think of him and leaves me hurting again.  The memory of that night cant seem to be erased from my mind.  I honestly just wanna be happy again just like December 10th 2010.  The happiest girl on earth was laying down with the man of her dreams and just like that it all ended.  No explanation no nothing.  Sometimes makes me question if I am that bad of a person and potential girlfriend especially thinking about how long i've been single but i dont wanna put all the blame on me.  I guess I messed up and I got played yet again but I just wanna move and Jump start my career, be wealthy, happy and model.  *crosses fingers and hopes the man upstairs hears my wishes and helps answer them*.  Sooner then later would be nice

Until then =/

Natural Beauty

eff love!

"I cant stay away from you too long, even when i do  I'll always call. Checking on you to make sure your okay. Be the one to brighten up my day. YEAH YEAH! and the point of it all is I love you"

Oh that damn word LOVE! so often misused and abused and I am proud to say that LOVE dont live here no more.

Love died with my first official boyfriend, it died with my second boyfriend too who might i add was 5 years older then me and told me he LOVED and left me for his ex girlfriend, LOVE is gone.

Well relationship wise it is!

Love is like that ball that gets kicked around during that game of soccer, once it reaches your toe you have the opportunity to score and once you score you dont care about the ball anymore because now its in the other persons court.

Love. man oh man LOVE i could live with out you LOVE. why you ask? because LOVE can causes pain, pain that leaves a scar... an unwanted scar and while feelings are attached Love leaves you open.

Man I wanna think that i can Love again and NO im not saying i am gonna give the next guy a hard time.... i just cant see the LOVE anymore....

But LOVE  is a stupid son of mother nature because while your surrounded with it , its hard to avoid.. This feeling sucks and I'm tired of crying because of LOVE I'm tired of wondering because of LOVE, I'm tired of it all.  

The last guy, i had a strong like for but i recently admitted that i suffered a heart break and in order for me to have had a heart break i had to feel LOVE... but i wont admit that i found LOVE but i did find hope and potential to have fallen for him....

But LOVE DONT LIVE HERE NO MORE!

i wont be susceptible to any man who uses LOVE and my name in a sentence at least not right now... find me in about 5 to 6 years and maybe just maybe my attitude will change because as of right now...hiphop is alive!  LOVE is dead!

My next lover will be my own success!

until next time

brat

gosh darnit!   Im a brat! thats right i said it!


i hate complaining but i do feel the need to let this out.


While girls are suppose to be tidy, I CANT STAND a messy girl!
 if we live together, I'm gonna expect for you to keep tidy, and clean up after yourself. 


Not my roommates exactly but extra house mates. yes your company is welcomed BUT HELLL NO your mess isnt


if you see the garbage is full, take the shit out dont keep piling mess on top. thats STUPID and then you wanna complain when the house is a mess!
we dont hire the little Mexicans to clean up after us so that means YES you pretty little girl you need to clean up after your self. like #c'monson


If the dishes are becoming a bit outta hand, you dont even have to hand wash them we have the luxury of having a dish washer drop that load in and put some CASCADE and turn the nozzle


all im saying is: Is it too much to ask for a little cleanliness now and days. I'm not ya momz homes I'm NOT gonna be cleaning after you


My next living situation when im on my own... I WILL live by my self. I cannot do this again! but i shall tolerate for another year.  Oh and when i say by myself i mean my own BACHELORETTE pad! and it will be too my liking. no man needed no roommates. JUST ME ... Indigo Nashea by my self!


ok i think im done for now. 
until next time
Natural Beauty

happyyy :)

summer timee!

 i love this season. nd it seems that OUT  with the cold weather so did my sadness, loneliness and sorrow and in came a smile. a smile that i havent seen since i was last happy.. last year. the l "glow" is back and  im gladd to have it. feeling good about school. feeling even better about life only thing i need to figure out now is what im gonna do with my life. of course i know what i wanna be but i need to make a plan and steps to get closer to achieving those goals.

with a smile i say i am extremely happy and cheerful
new found motivation and drive has fallin upon me and this could only get  better.

thanking the man upstairs for the enlightenment and letting him know i greatly appreciate it.

thank you and untnil next time
its your favorite Beauty

Indigo Nashea =)

My heros

So it wasn't until this weekend that I realized how much of an impact two little girls had on my life.

After the loss of their young beautiful mother (March 21, 2011),and saying their final goodbyes (March 26,2011)  they both stayed the weekend with me and held their composure so well. To be so young (13 and 10) and losing someone so close and so precious to them, these two young ladies have given me a great strength.  I applaud them and also give my heart to them more then before.

Tee Tee and Daejah I love you both so very much and never forget if there is ever anything you need , dont hesitate to ask me.  I am your big sister and will always be here for you.

Sincerely yours
Natural Beauty

Yellow shirt day: Support Endometriosis

Natural Beauty

flaws and all

I am selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control and at times hard to handle but if you can't take me at my worst then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best !

Natural Beauty

Look into my eyes

Look into my eyes and baby what do you see?
Do you see a girl of her word?
How about the Honesty in me?

Look into my eyes and baby what do you see?
Someone who wants to give you the world
or is it too good to believe?

Look into my eyes and baby what do you see?
One of Gods greatest creations?
or just another silly B?

Look into my eyes and baby what do you see?
the fear of trying,
and this all being make believe?

Look into my Eyes and baby what do you see?
is it you reflection of perfection
or maybe its just me?

Well I'm looking into your eyes and I can tell you what I see
I see a Man,
who's as strong as can be!

Until Next time.....
Natural Beauty

So I've been thinking.....

This weekend so much has gone on, and now I'm at a stage where I'm really starting to think what I feel is something I'm not quiet ready to handle as far as relationship wise (friendships included).  Ups and Downs followed by great things and bad things.  I know that 2011 is my year and thus far everything is falling into place.  I'm doing a lot of growing up and I honestly enjoy this feeling.  I feel blessed to not have to be one of these young girls out here that were rushed to grow up but my stage came gradually.  Cheers to this year! More learning experiences to come as well as wealth!

until next time .....
Natural Beauty

I opened up and let you back in and what do you do.... Take my heart out squish it and leave me with nothing but what could have beens.. Thanks Lover i still like &care about you

I want!

Lets talk about what I want

Goals:

• I want to be a Famous Actress/Model
• I want to be an activist for the youth to discover the talents and aspirations for the younger generations
• I want to be apart of a larger community to make a difference in the world
• I want to be more then just a statistic
• I want to help more people work past being just another STATISTIC

First plan of action is to write it down and plan for success.  Known fact.  Things that are written down are more then likely to be done verse ideas that float in our minds.  In the words of Jasmin Victoria DISCOVER YOUR PASSION!

Life:

• In life I want to have all my goals reached
• In life I want to find love again
• In life I want to be the one to discover and not wait to be discovered
• In life I want to prove to other young ladies that LOVING YOURSELF SHOULD ALWAYS BE A FIRST PRIORITY
• In life i want to change the worlds view of GHETTO

I want to do a lot in life but it will take time and I have the motivation.  In time things will change with me and everything will be OK .... JUST gotta BELIEVE

Until next time
Natural Beauty

This is my burn letter... Walk with me

Dear Mr. Dream Man


I like you, from your country ways to your dreads to your thug like actions.  When i think of you i think of Rihana's song, "Theres a thug in my life" kinda cheesy i know but o well... Yeah we hit bumpy roads but i'm glad it was with you... were sorta like unlatching magnets that keep ending up back together.  HOW!?!?! I don't know but I really like the mystery of it all!


I had my moments with you where i felt like the stuff that you have going on in your life is gonna keep you away but you seem to make me feel better with just your words... I mean i noticed a lot of things about you that kinda made me feel odd but i never bothered to mention it to you because I didn't want to start any drama but Since i'm writing you this letter i hope things change.  Well let me correct that ... I hope things could have changed if we were gonna remain talking


see i wrote you this letter because i noticed that you got a little mad at me ... for not hitting you up... ok I admit it i messed up... but for you to tell me to "do me" over something soo small really made me think if we really HAD something... because if we did why would you be so quick to give it up... 


I haven't told you this but since we started talking I haven't know what "me" was because the word "we" sounds so much better.  Not to sound conceited or anything but so many guys have been hitting me up trying to get to know me but with you in mind and all the respect I have for you i couldn't do it.  I mean today changed all of that.  It changed because after my mistake you ignored me for two days straight... it may not seem like much to you... but in two day we could have grown so much closer... 


I don't play the blame game thats corny, i noticed my flaws but i need you to know for your future relationships you cant dwell on the past.... granted you've been hurt... but there WILL BE someone wants to patch up the wound and make it better... you have a history... no one can change it but you can create a better history with you...  Open up a little it cant hurt you but instead help you get some of that weight off your chest... But i'm noones judge i'm just speaking from what i see.... ignore it if you want....Of course you'll never read this but its ok i feel a lot better now that its off my chest


It hurt my feelings to let it end like this but I wish you nothing but happiness and prosperity.  You'll always be in my prayers.  and ill always be here if for any reason you ever want to talk... but i do give up on trying to be your girl friend and make you happy... and the funny things is i'm no quitter... I've sat around and patiently waiting for you to look at me as more then just A girl but as YOUR girl and you seem to look right past me or better yet, at your past.... Hope that does you well


Not gonna lie after this letter Ill probably stick around just a little while longer just to make sure YOU are ok about sleeping alone... but then again you probably wont be alone... oh well


So long sir... It was great while it lasted and will always be in my heart...


Maybe ill see you next life time 
Sincerely yours
Natural Beauty