So he txt'd me

So the other day he text'd me
yeah my ex boyfriend from about a year ago
and he explained to me why he broke up with me
yeah my feeling were hurt! and still are
but come on for you're ex girlfriend...
apart of me wishes you never even bothered to hit me up. maybe id be ok... better not knowing
was it really worth it?

why did you waste your breath telling me you loved me?
LOVE?
oh how love is soooo overrated... nd thats why that would be tatted on a finger of mine because its NOT REAL

it can't be... if it was... why would it hurt so much!
why does like even hurt so much, sheesh....

yeah so he txt'd me...
trying to make this work

sorry but if you broke up with someone you "loved" for a past relationship because of SEX then we won't work now... cause I'm celibate! bam


Natural Beauty

im tired of the bull shit

Im getting so frustrated. LIKE SERIOUSLY! i just want what I can't have and i feel like this is only getting worst. i feel annoying as hell to everyone yet no one has told me i am ! I just wanna crawl in a ball and be by myself because thats how its gonna be or seems that way.  Why doesn't happiness come to those who deserve it most! i deserve it I want it but i don't wanna seem desperate to get it from the one person i want.  THis is so freaking aggravating... apart of me just wants to cry but i know that won't fix anything... and while i get my invites to stay with him, i still feel like I'm not the one who he really wants to be there. I'm digging my own hole.. i feel it. can someone just kick me in and make this all go away! sheesh! i really did lose my best friend. borders were crossed that shouldn't have now i talk to him about stuff we use to talk about it and he clearly feels awkward... i want some sort of answer in my dream tonight! something telling me to fall back. whether i stay away from twitter or what ever just wanna feel missed or needed cause i don't... not even the least bit from ppl who should or i think should at least! ughh a shot is in order right now.. too bad i have class tomorrow! =/ maybe tuesday!!! night!

Natural Beauty

Damn

Damn yo
his absence left me alone with my thoughts
and my thoughts kinda went like this

He's messing with someone else
no better yet he went back to the "lil girl"
i mean thats cool cause then we will be just friends again
and then maybe i can take up that date.

But I really liked him
but good thing i didn't fall completely head over heels
cause then this would be bad news bears part two

Good job indigo.
Damn he aint even thinking bout me
wth did i do?
you didn't do anything Indigo

wait *phone rings*
oh sh*t its him nd its not a txt its a call

Conversation:
me: hello
him: (sexy voice) Hey lil lady what you up too
me: nothing watching the game
him: ok well I'm on the turnpike be home shortly. we have a long night nd i still gotta catch up on the game but you'll probably be asleep by then
me: alright let me know when you get home
(a little small talk)
him: ill txt you when i get home
me: ok

so back to my thoughts
maybe he does still care or he's putting up a good front
GEEZS i just want all of someone ... its about that time!

When will I ever find mr. right because mr right nows keep popping up in my pictures
& honestly I'm kinda over it!

Until next time =/
Natural Beauty

20 Y. O

They always say your youth is the times of your life.  Well my 19-20 years have been very stressful.  Financially, education wise, figuring out myself... man its a lot. still don't know what I'm gonna do when i graduate and HELLO INDIGO.  I graduate this year!

I hope 21 brings me more! and i want 21 to be the TIME of my life and take the past and make it all more and more of a living experience!

Natural Beauty

WOW!

Today, was really something else.  I saw him, and oh how that trip down memory lane just didn't seem so distant.

It was not distant only because, I go down it ever so often.  But seeing him did make me miss the old him and when there was an us but it didn't make me miss how hard i got played.
I honestly am my biggest critic, but as i told one of my good friends, after losing him i just simply feel like I'm simply not good enough for "my type" of guy or any potential. In the mist of telling one of my guy friends this, whom i secretly have a crush on, he fell asleep on me...  but any who

I'm glad i was able to speak to him to show that i am a bigger person but that fact that i still couldn't speak in a complete sentence because i was embarrassed just made it seem like i want him still which i don't i just wanna know why things didn't work out

after speaking to my friend in Florida who still manages to keep me level headed he made me feel better by keeping it real with me! his friend ship is and always will be greatly appreciated.... but until i get this other opinion i need i'm over and out!

Peace, love and beauty!

Natural Beauty

Gossip

I'm stuck here thinking when i should be doing homework or sleeping. but last night when i was expected to tell some news that i was so very unclear on. Why do people still gossip? Not gonna lie I do it all the time but i want to know why it happens? Id rather not talk about anyone. and now that it is bought to my attention i am def. gonna try and stop and yet in fact when i feel the need to gossip im going to do research in my future field of interest! hmpp

Ive been enjoying these recent reality checks i've been getting. <3

Until next time

Natural Beauty

-__-

(As i wrote this tears formed but I couldn't let my  weakness show so i spilled it on to a piece of paper)

Although i know he is the biggest ass hole i know, apart of me still wants him.  I am trying my hardest not let my memory of him effect my relationship with other way better guys but the taint idea of as well as any one I met VIA him makes me think of him and leaves me hurting again.  The memory of that night cant seem to be erased from my mind.  I honestly just wanna be happy again just like December 10th 2010.  The happiest girl on earth was laying down with the man of her dreams and just like that it all ended.  No explanation no nothing.  Sometimes makes me question if I am that bad of a person and potential girlfriend especially thinking about how long i've been single but i dont wanna put all the blame on me.  I guess I messed up and I got played yet again but I just wanna move and Jump start my career, be wealthy, happy and model.  *crosses fingers and hopes the man upstairs hears my wishes and helps answer them*.  Sooner then later would be nice

Until then =/

Natural Beauty